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More Sex From Your
Wife or Partner...Starting Now! Summary: The More You Help Around the House, the More You Help with the Kids, the More Sex You Will Get. Not getting enough sex? Then do something about it. For a woman, foreplay begins the moment you wake up. This means every decision you make, starting a breakfast, will increase or decrease the odds of getting laid that night. Moms, whether they stay at home or have an additional job outside the house, are generally overburdened with housework and child raising duties. Imagine a dog that constantly needed to be petted and wanted to lick your hands. And no matter how much you petted or let them lick, it was never enough. You can be sure that by the end of the day you wouldn't want to pet anything or be licked by anyone. This is what's it's like to be around a young child the whole day. So it's little wonder moms tend to feel everyone "expects" or "wants" something from them 24/7. Unfortunately, to an exhausted, over stimulated mom, your sexual needs can feel like just another "demand". So what are you gonna do about it? Some men take the victim route. The whine about how their partner isn't interested in sex anymore, or worse, that their partner's withholding sex as a form of punishment. If you want to play the martyr role, go ahead if that's what you're looking for. However if having more sex is more important than your identity as a victim then this is not a productive strategy. A better strategy is to assume a provider protector role. And I mean this in the most general sense not in the creepy sexist “Promise Keepers” way. Anything you care about needs to be nurtured. Plants, pets, people and especially your relationship with your partner need to be protected and provided for. Otherwise they simply die or atrophy from neglect. Your sex life is no different. So how do you provide for and protect your sex life? The first thing you need to do is make sure your partner has the support she needs. What does she need? It's pretty simple really. Help with the home and the kids. Do this and the rest takes care of itself. Don’t believe me? Then take the one week “Me So Horny” challenge. Starting tomorrow you’re going to step up your game and start pitching in. If your partner is usually scrambling around in the morning trying to get the kids dressed for school as well as getting herself ready to go to work or the gym, then step in and help. Here’s some sample dialogue you can use: “Hey honey, I’ve noticed that sometimes you’re just overwhelmed in the morning trying to take care of everyone, you just go take care of yourself and I’ll get the kids ready and drop them off at school.” Then go do it. Guess who’s getting laid tonight? Dude, you are! At dinner time try this: “I know you’ve been trying to finish up that book you started, how about you just go to the bedroom and read and I’ll take care of the dishes and putting the kids to bed”. After the kids are sound asleep and you go strolling into your bedroom she will be soooo hot for you. Simply lean in and make your move. No need to ask, beg or explain that you’re horny. Remember, helping with the home and kids is foreplay for a woman and she’ll respond accordingly. In the unlikely event she doesn't, don't pout, just acknowledge her decision, give her a few kisses and then get ready for bed. Repeat the next day but try looking for other ways you can help. Even something small like picking up some toilet paper and toothpaste at lunch so she doesn't have to can go a long way. A word of caution. During the "Me So Horny" challenge week never say or imply that you are doing this for sex. Otherwise all of your “help” will be interpreted as yet another “demand”. The two formulas look like this: SUPPORT + NO CONDITIONS = LOVE SUPPORT + CONDITIONS = DEMAND Now here’s the best part of all. Once you start pitching in it gets easier and easier to do it on a regular basis. After while you'll just do it without even thinking about it. However for the woman, your support is still a turn on. So over time you'll just become a larger contributor to the home and kids (good for you and your family) and you will just naturally have more and better sex with your partner (good for both of you). Now some of you may be thinking "what if she just gets used to all this and I have to keep doing more and more to get the same results?" This is highly unlikely because of some very basic psychological factors. Women, especially moms, are inclined to value concepts such as fairness and equality while simultaneously embracing the ideas of self sacrifice and commitment (yes, I know this isn't true for everyone, we're just talking generalities here). These conflicting values means that she will never let you do ALL of the home and family duties even if you wanted to. Her sense of fairness and equality (i.e. everyone should share in the responsibilities) combined with the idea of self sacrifice and commitment (i.e. my family needs me, it’s my duty to provide) will prevent her from allowing you to help out “too much”. After all, the more responsibilities you take on the less self sacrifice and commitment she needs to make and the less equal and fair things will be. This is bad for her identity as a mom so don't worry about being "taken advantage of" because she probably won't allow it to happen. The bottom line is that society doesn't expect much from fathers. The simplest efforts towards helping with the kids are seen as heroic. I know this from experience when my female neighbors would stop me in the streets to tell me what a good father I was. Some even rushed out of their homes just to tell me this. What was I doing that deserved so much praise? Basically pushing my daughter around in the stroller for regular walks. A mom would have to save her children from a burning building then donate a kidney to her 9 month old daughter while hand making all of their clothes to get the same kudos. But low expectations have some big advantages. Any regular effort on your part will be a cause for celebration. So now, whenever she talks with the other moms she’ll always be reminded of how supportive you are compared to the slacker dads. And this will make her hot, hot, hot for hubby. Still, skeptical? Read a woman's perspective in this awesome post by Marrit Ingman That's it for now. Send Comments to: The Straight Dope Dad Originally Posted: 10-18-07 |
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