balance is important!

I took a test a few years ago and it said my personality was INTP, but just changing a couple questions that I felt I deviated on resulted in INTJ. I felt that my answers reflected honestly on me, or I hoped so.

In any case, this is 3 comments now. This is just an interesting blog and I’m wanting to put information (to a fault?) here.

I want everything to work out. I respect every comment on here. For example, some people brought up aspergers and other such things. I’m definitely aware of that. It’s just that, I’m 33 now, and with so many years behind me now, some of them painful, it’s hard for me to see so much medication and judgment handed out to children I feel are too young and wet under the years – so to speak – to be placed in that circumstance. I think over-medicating is common because parents want a quick answer and the profession might get caught between its honest pursuit of truth and its capitalist elements that desire income above most other things. While I believe there’re children who do indeed need help, I think it’s equally important that there’s an industry watchdog that cares as much about our children as the industry does about money. Enough that they’re willing to do their job and enact justice where it’s necessary.

No doubt social problems are a mental disorder when it’s something that has existed for many years. I mean, it does make sense to me that conditions in the brain that exist there for a length of time will very likely impact it in more permanent, lasting ways. What’s sad is that how all this happens is so oftne outside our control and by the time we do have control the damage is alreayd done and complete recovery is very difficult if not impossible for most. It’s not a good ending.

I could go on and on, but I think ti’s important to apply emphasis to the point that introvert people do not hate others or think they’re better or harbor any kind of sinister things inside their minds. They just don’t feel as capable in a crowd of people. It makes them very uncomfortable. They feel much better talking about specific things and organizing their thoughts. At least, that’s how it seems to me and that’s kind of how it has been for me.

It’s very hard to explain to someone how it can be that I am uncomfortable around more than a few people yet I might have other skills that can be used to benefit them. I really do believe that my tendency to think and get lost (happily!) in my mind and to feel passionate about certain subjects is something I could use more productively. When I think about talking with others, I think about talking about things that interest me. The interest is enough encouragement for me to overcome any residual fears or disinclinations. I want to think positive about my problem(s). My interversion is a problem, but it also has a reverse side that can be beneficial in unexpected ways.

I hope anyway!

It´s possible to be both extrovert and introvert – I love socialising, but only with like minded folk as dumb conversation leaves me despairing of humanity, but I´m discerning now of wasting time on valueless interaction and love my own company, but I do need that shot in the arm of being with kin.
I was also a shy kid in social situations and became a great actor in pretending to be sociable, not to fit in, just to get on. But by doing so, I grew out of the acting and became genuinely comfortable in social situations. I guess the key was losing the self consciousness – so I don´t find addressing groups daunting, I actually enjoy it, but I don´t stress as I don´t see it as a performance to be graded on, and I take myself out of the equation. By my own and everyone elses admission, I have great social skills – but I cultivated these from the perspective of the introvert and like to bring folk together rather than hold court with crappy empty banter – I like drawing people out of themselves because I remember how excruciating being shy in a social situation used to be, and don´t like to see people drowning, but by the same token, I don´t ever feel the need to draw attention to myself, unless I´m being funny to break the ice or make women laugh.

I felt the need to comment as it´s the skills of the introvert : observation, reflection, contemplation, that make me a good extrovert when I need to be, and I use the skills of being an extrovert – initiating conversations, introductions, networking, to bankroll my life as an introvert as I intend to keep on working from home as I´m self employed like Dope Dad. I like people a lot, but I´m very judicious with who I spend time with as it has to be QUALITY

I’ll disagree with Damian. I don’t think that extraverts are more likely to offend other people in general, just introverts. The reverse is true for introverts. We all find greater acceptance by those that operate in a similar fashion.

The sciences and the arts are dominated by introverts which only makes sense. Mastering these fields requires devoting a lot of your life in solitude which introverts find relaxing and energizing.

The fields of politics, sales, and public relations are dominated by extroverts which makes sense since these require spending a large part of your life interacting with, and soliciting the cooperation of others, which is fun and energizing to an extrovert.

I think introverts tend to be better at understanding human nature on an intellectual level because we spend a lot of time wondering what the fuck is going on. Understanding human nature intellectually is often really important to us because this is how we protect ourselves. I’ve never seen an extrovert get their ass kicked by a bully or accidentally piss someone off like introverts sometimes do. Extroverted behavior seems to provide a level of protection against sociopathic behavior.

However, I think extroverts understand human nature on an instinctual level. They don’t have to formulate complex theories about group dynamics because they just “get it” naturally. I’ve noticed that extroverts tend to navigate social complexities much easier than introverts. Dating, mingling, job interviews, negotiations, and any situation that requires reading others and soliciting their help appears to come “naturally” to extroverts whereas introverts often have to learn these things intellectually and practice them to achieve the same results.

So there’s a reason why most motivational speakers and self help gurus are extroverts and most psychologists are introverts. Both are deeply aware and interested in human motivation but they express this interest in a way that matches their personality.

So while it’s true that extroverts often dismiss introverted behavior as a personality defect I don’t think extroverts in general are socially unaware. It’s quite the opposite actually. There are quite aware and skilled at navigating a social situation. It’s just that many extroverts see introversion as something to “fix” and naturally want to pull us out of our shell so they can interact with us in the way that comes naturally to them. If a high level of social interaction was necessary for you to be happy and interacting with others was how you process and understand the world, you’d probably treat introverted behavior the same way.

I don’t see this social dynamic ever changing. Extroverts by nature are going to be the socially active party and the introvert is going to be the one providing resistance and boundaries. This is the genesis for all the stereotypes we develop as we grow up to explain this conflict. So extraverts get labeled as unaware, non-reflective, impatient and needy by introverts and introverts get labeled as arrogant and anti-social by extroverts. Hopefully over time we realize that these are labels we create to defend our position and that these labels blind us to what’s really going which is a conflict between two natural and healthy, but contradictory ways of being.

As a business person I value both ways of being. I would never send an introvert out to generate leads just as I’d never give a task that required 30 hours of isolation to achieve to an extravert. You’ll have poor results and unhappy people in both situations. You’d also probably never find those personality types outside their respective fields anyway. I’ve never met an introverted sales rep and I’ve never met and extroverted programmer. We gravitate towards activities that match our way of being.

So the reason there are very few extroverted authors or scientists is not because extroverts don’t think deeply or reflect or lack curiosity, it’s because that mode of expression is not very rewarding. And conversely, the reason there are few introverted politicians and sales reps is not because introverts aren’t interested in passing legislation, generating sales, or connecting with people, it’s because that mode of expression is not very rewarding. We go to where the rewards are.

I myself are an extravert, and recently diagnosed as hyper-sensitive. I wish I could retract my antenna’s, but for me thats an impossibility. But furthermore, Im very outgoing, socially active, have loads of friends, think before I talk, am attentive of the feelings of others. Also, my best friend is an introvert, but he cannot read people like I do. He tends to be more egotistic, more self-centered. He can also be sneaky and manipulative.. Should I view that as an accurate representation of introverts ?

Extroverts may look at us as insecure and uncomfortable with ourselves because we are more concerned with the inner world. We enjoy thinking, exploring our thoughts and feelings.
You extroverts are more talkative and outgoing while we are more quiet and observant. Most extroverts can’t understand why we won’t open up and in turn think we have something to hide. Also, I didn’t mean to convey that extroverts don’t think things through and just say whatever comes to mind. Extroverts tend to think while they are speaking. That’s just what you guys are accustomed to.

My mind is truly baffled… but according to your “description” thats just my basic state of mind apparantly, so no biggy…

Introverts don’t understand the seemingly pointless,dull,and mundane small talk and extroverts don’t understand the silence.

Extroverts have to learn the values of silence. They must train to be silent and listen. It takes practice for them to learn to not always voice everything they say. More extroverts need to realize how the things they say and do can be very damaging to another’s emotions and well-being. They will learn It keeps them from offending people and they eventually train their brain to break down things throughly before saying something. this doesn’t come naturally, so it’s strange to them when it does come naturally to someone.

As introverts we need to learn the advantages of talking and interacting with the people around us. It lets others in on your thought process and makes them feel more comfortable around us. If you’re carrying on a conversation with people, it’s less likely you’re studying them and figuring out their flaws.Small talk is hard to learn to carry on, and at times really annoying, but it can go a long way. You can keep common subjects and responses on your mind and reuse dialog between different people. Since you’re an introvert, you naturally study people, so picking up on what they really want to talk about will be easy (Chances are if they’re an extrovert they’ll voice this pretty soon)

As so many others have already commented, this fits me and my experiences to a T — unfortunately, I’ve never been able to fully articulate this to my extroverted family, friends and coworkers. You’d think after thirty-odd years my parents, who understood me as a child, would stop nudging me toward draining social situations. To be fair, I don’t think they fully understand when I tell them I’m not interested … though I suspect that both (and esp. my father) are introverts as well.

I suppose it’s entirely possible, even probable, that they still do not understand themselves.

Huh. What an idea …

Anyway, kudos to you for being a great dad, and for a fabulous “manifesto” on introverts and how we function in a world geared for extroverts. I’ll definitely be recommending this as suggested reading!