I agree with your conclusion — everyone is going to weigh things differently if you attempt to break down life’s work into quantifiable bits.

The most important thing is that everyone feels respected and appreciated for the work that they contribute.

A literal 50/50 view of fairness would be difficult to put into practice, but I understand why some people aim for this goal. Anyone that has been burned in the past — perhaps from bad relationships — will be more sensitive to fairness.

Thanks for your insightful thoughts,

- Chris

People’s capacity for empathy can differ dramatically. Some people seem to unconsciously place themselves in other people’s shoes every time they make a decision that could effect those around them — these are typically very fair people.

Others, like psychopaths, have the ability to intellectualize what anther’s experience would be like, but don’t actually feel any emotions from it. They can make highly unfair decisions to suit their personal needs and still sleep like a baby at night.

If you surround yourself with people that posses great empathy, you’ll have a good chance at finding fairness in those relationship.

Easier said than done

At work, it is exactly the same scenario. New hires will always go the extra mile, but once they settle in, their true colors, for better or worse, begin to show.

During my evolutionary psychology class, my professor said that humans have always cheated to get out of doing chores. But some humans feel more guilt and shame than others.

Shame is a powerful motivator, and I suspect that many individuals that are ‘fair’ have a keen sense of how others view them.

As for family relationships, the sense of fairness and fair treatment is a huge, huge issue going on for me right now. When you honestly believe that you are doing well beyond your share of the work, but others strongly believe otherwise, a lot of emotions can rise up! I’m dealing with this problem right now, and I wonder if it’s simply rooted in differing perspectives.

That same concept transfers over into everything – picking up toys, going to bed, etc…but obviously things aren’t always going to be 50/50 because that doesn’t work. So how do you teach them that sometimes one person needs one thing that is different than the other, and that is still ‘fair’?

My mother, for example, has done nothing but complain about the state of my last 3 relationships because of this. The current one, as well as the one before last, her complaint is that I do almost all of the cooking and cleaning. No matter how many times I explain to her that this is fair (because I don’t work and therefore don’t pay rent, and I like my kitchen a certain way goddamnit) she just can’t wrap her head around the concept that fair does not always mean 50/50.

As far as house chores go, my wife learned early in our relationship that I rarely will think of things to do. I will vacuum and dust, but only if the floor is noticeably dirty. She also learned that I don’t mind doing the work if she asks me to do so. If she leaves me a list of chores, she knows that I will do them without complaint. Without really talking about it, we’ve managed to come to an understanding about housework and taking care of our infant daughter.
.-= Justin´s lastest blog ..Post-Partum Parting =-.