Comments on: Who’s Your Daddy? – Calling a Parent by Their First Name

By: Matt

Matt — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 22:50:05 +0000

I use to call my parents by their first name when I was little (4 or 5). It didn’t bother anyone, although some people thought it was “cute”. I started calling them “mom” and “dad” as I got older. I think I just called them by their first name because that was what they called each other. They still tease me about that habit to this day, 25 years later.

By: Marie

Marie — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 15:50:07 +0000

I serious love this. My kids call me Marie and it never entered my mind that I should be offended. It’s my, ya know, NAME. And I think titles are lame. *shrug* They call me mom, mama, mommy and hey you as well. It’s all good.

By: Robin

Robin — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 17:27:48 +0000

I think you have a good point, it’s really all in what you are comfortable with, and the disrespect is all in tone,inflection and intent. Our children refer to us as “mom” & “dad”, as it is just how we were raised,etc. My father is old school and would’ve beat the portuguese out of me, and my mother grew up in a military family , so yeah we had no other option. However is someone asks you to call you by their first name or says that is ok, then I would think that it would be disrespectful NOT to call them by their first name.
.-= Robin´s lastest blog ..Sleep Is For The Weak!!! =-.

By: Straight Dope Dad

Straight Dope Dad — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 19:42:49 +0000

Hmmm. I just don’t buy that line or reasoning. Never have. She knows I’m her dad. When referring to me to others she calls me her dad. Between us we use first names. You also used a straw man argument. The real comparison is “Whatever, Clay” versus “Whatever, dad”. In this example the level of disrespect is the same. Using dad or Clay makes no difference. To think that a child will confuse your role as parent simply because of a title places zero value on what goes into actually being a parent. This doesn’t hold up when you examine love, bonding, or any element of human development.

By: Anise Blue

Anise Blue — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 19:09:35 +0000

If you are receiving the amount of respect that’s due a father, I would say it’s no problem. But that’s rarely the case. Calling a parent by a first name may be playful but it’s also a demotion – you’re not a father, you’re just a guy, a friend, a pal. That may be fine while she’s young and you are in control of her environment. But when pubescent boys are trying to get in her pants as a teen and she’s out of your sight for long hours at a time, you may not appreciate her saying, “Whatever, Clay.” At that point, I’m pretty sure you’d appreciate a more child-appropriate response of, “OK, Dad, I’ll be home on time.” Because you’re her father. Not just some guy. (You establish that now, or you don’t have it established when it counts.)

By: Andy

Andy — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 09:44:35 +0000

I always called my step-parents by their first name because I thought it disrespectful to call them anything else. I have a mother, who I call mom, and she is not my father’s wife… and I hate the idea that the two could be interchangeable in any way, shape, or form.

By: Straight Dope Dad

Straight Dope Dad — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 21:15:55 +0000

Your mom…er, I mean Linda, sounds pretty awesome.

By: Christina

Christina — Sat, 06 Nov 2010 22:03:11 +0000

Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in the English language. – Dale Carnegie

I always loved that quote. Thought I would share.

I called my parents by their given names because as my mom said I am not defined by a job tile, I am a person and I have a name.

Since moving away from home as an adult I only refer to my mom as mom when speaking to others; who have not met her, otherwise it is just Linda.

By: Bob Collier

Bob Collier — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 07:54:47 +0000

My now 15 year old son has never called me anything other than Bob. My grown up daughter used to call me Bob before she started school and then it became Daddy. I was her at-home parent so we spent a huge amount of time together.

Occasionally these days she’ll call me Bobby as a kind of in-joke. She knows she’s the only person on the planet I allow to call me that.

By: Sparkina

Sparkina — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 05:54:53 +0000

@ Chris — that reminds me of a joke I read when I was a kid

A little boy had gotten separated from his mother in a store and ran through the store hollering, “Janet! Janet!”

The mother found her son, hugged him tight, and then told the boy

“You shouldn’t call me Janet. I’m your mother.”

“Yeah, but the store was full of mothers.”

By: Katharine

Katharine — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 01:56:07 +0000

hahahahahahahahahahaha!

By: Edutxt

Edutxt — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 11:58:31 +0000

I would hate my kids to stop calling me mum, and I know their dad would feel the same (about been called dad obviously). I remeber seeing an episode of the Simpsons where Homer looks very hurt when Lisa calls him Homer when she is upsaet with him.

By: rrp

rrp — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 00:22:41 +0000

Always felt a little strange when I heard a friend call their step-dad by his first name.
.-= rrp´s lastest blog ..Lead In Bounce Houses =-.

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:02:11 +0000

My husband and his brother have alternated calling their parents mom and dad and Margo and Jim. I thought this was really weird until one day Margo said very matter of factly “I didn’t mind if they called me mom in the house, but in public, there are too many moms. Its confusing.” Hard to argue with logic like that!

By: Straight Dope Dad

Straight Dope Dad — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 00:25:40 +0000

True that. There are unwritten laws that govern our society. A good one is “don’t cut in line”. There is no law against it, and you can’t get sued for doing it, but it’s a useful rule based on fairness. We should follow those. All others, like don’t address a parent by their first name, have no basis for existence other than personal preference. These I believe we should all ignore or follow based upon how well it aligns with our own beliefs.

By: Rob

Rob — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 21:19:10 +0000

Thank you so much for this post!

My son calls me Rob, and I’ve never cared because I know my role and I know he loves me and knows who I am, but it’s “weird” for him to call me that by society’s standards, and my mom comments about it and that gets to me.

I think your post will really help me deal with it. It’s really not a big deal, and if I make it a big deal it’s not going to help my son at all, and that should be my concern, not how other people feel about my relationship with my son.

Thanks again!

By: Straight Dope Dad

Straight Dope Dad — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 21:54:55 +0000

Hello Erik. Your comment made my day. Thanks.

By: Erik

Erik — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 20:34:37 +0000

Hmmm… I remember growing up with friends that called their step parents by their first name. Maybe it was their way of distinguishing themselves from the addition or keeping the new parent in their place, but it always through me off. Your reasoning is sound, even convincing, but there is something intensely sour about having my son call me by my first name. I’ve sucked on a raw lemon, stuck my finger in a light socket, and downed a few shots of wild turkey, so maybe I’ll give it a shot and see how it feels…But there’s probably a shiver and a pucker-face in my future. Interesting post… Thanks DD.
.-= Erik´s lastest blog ..How to Juggle Flaming Chainsaws =-.