Millionaire Matchmaker is Fucking Boring – More Kids and Cussing and The Family Values That Really Matter

Summary: Profanity rules on broadcast television do not protect children because profanity is a normal experience in most children’s real lives and have nothing to do with real life threats.

So we’re watching Millionaire Matchmaker on Tivo while our seven-year old daughter holds an elaborate dinner party with her Littlest Pet Shop toys. As she gets deeper into it, her imaginary conversations get louder and louder.

“What birdie? You want to have a plate of spaghetti? Well you’ll have to wait because first we are having cereal.”

“But I want to have spaghetti now!”

“No you can’t. Doggie here is perfectly happy with her cereal so you can be too.”

“I’m really happy with my cereal too and I’m a little sheep.”

“Whaaaa…I want spaghetti now!!!”

“I’m sorry birdie, but no spaghetti until cereal time is over. Now go sit next to octopus, he doesn’t want cereal either.”

“Hello birdie, I’m octopus. I don’t eat cereal or spaghetti. I’m waiting for fish”

Now my partner and I have been getting bored with Millionaire Matchmaker and Patti specifically. The first season was decent but she’s got a foul mouth and a foul temper and her sexism is a bit grating. The endless parade of dysfunctional adults is getting old as well. Still, I’d like to watch the show in peace even if I’m not that stoked about it anymore.

“Ok, you need to tone it down or go to your room. We can’t hear the show. We don’t yell and play in front of the TV when you watch your movies and we expect the same courtesy.”

She turns it down a notch and we watch the rest of the show. At the end, they wrap it up with a “coming next week” montage and Patti is flying off the handle and laying into another one of the pathetic man-boys they bring onto the show.

“You pull that crap again and you’re out of the f****** club!”

“Why did she say he’s out of the fucking club?” My daughter asks.

“Because he wasn’t following the rules.”

“So that’s how you get kicked out of the fucking club?”

“Um, yes.”

“Well I wouldn’t want to get kicked out of the fucking club.”

“Ok, that’s enough now. Save the strong language for when you break a leg or something.”

So that’s how it goes down. The networks bleep the word fucking and my daughter fills it in herself because she hears this stuff all the time. Mostly from me because I tend to cuss when I’m fighting with my computer – and I work at home –  and secondly from mom, because she cusses a bit because she’s a full-time mom. So with two parents at home 24/7, she’s going to hear a lot of things. This of course doesn’t count what she says among her friends and what she hears at school.

So what are we trying to protect anyone from anyway? How exactly are cuss words going to hurt me and my family?

The school lunches are pre-made, processed crap because there is not enough funds to buy whole nutritious food. An even if they were given a truckload of fresh organic ingredients they couldn’t do anything with it because the school doesn’t even have a kitchen.

Between Watsonville and Santa Cruz there is at least one stabbing or shooting per week. And this is not just isolated gang stuff at night. These are full on assaults in broad daylight in front of supermarkets and shopping malls.

We have salt water intrusion into our farmland from over pumping of ground water and we barely notice when yet another acre of prime fertile land falls to development.

Isn’t clean water, healthy food and a violence free environment the international human standard for a healthy society? Every country that’s on the shit list – uh, I mean travel advisory warnings list – fails in one or more of these key factors.

Remember in 2004 when Janet Jackson showed a nipple at the Superbowl and CBS was fined $550,000 by the FCC? A half a million dollars for an accident that hurt no one.

That’s a head scratcher isn’t it?

I’m tired of the posing and posturing that goes on with the family values crowd while they neglect everything that really matters. I’m sorry, but hearing fuck is not the end of the world and we all see a naked body every time we take a shower or change our cloths.

It’s no big deal.

And I’m sure my daughter would like totally fucking agree.

File Under: Is Cussing Really that Bad – Do Curse Words Really Hurt Anyone – The folly of Bleeping Cuss Words on a Show About Sexually Dysfunctional Adults Looking for Love


3 Responses to “Millionaire Matchmaker is Fucking Boring – More Kids and Cussing and The Family Values That Really Matter”

  • Chris Says:

    Man, I love it when you write new bits. I can’t recall how I found your blog, but as the parent of a 2.5 year old daughter, I appreciate your cutting-through-the-bullshit commentaries. Cheers!

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    Straight Dope Dad Reply:

    Thanks. I’m trying to post more frequently but I also don’t want to blab on about what I had to eat today or how cute my daughter is. I try to make a point of some kind. Glad you enjoy my efforts.

    [Reply]

  • Kayle Says:

    Thanks for this blog. I just stumbled on it and the stuff you say about real people and relationships is really encouraging because people my age (who are btw, NOT teenagers) seem to really believe what they see on TV and look at me like I’m insane. That’s enough to scare me off of dating and commitment forever, considering none of what I say is any different from what you say. But if you’re actually married, my blood pressure goes down considerably when I think about these things. So, again, thanks.
    On janet: actually, she *didn’t* show a nipple. She was wearing jewelry that covered the entire areola. So, how that’s worse than bleeping, I have no idea.

    [Reply]

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