Straight Dope Dad | A Father's View on Parenting

Summary: My daughter calls me by my first name. Oh well. At least there’s no mistaking who she’s talking to.

It’s me, my daughter, my buddy and his daughter, and we’re figuring out what we’re going to do. My daughter is the first to speak up.

“Clay, are we going to the park soon?”

Dude, she calls you by your first name?”

“Uh, yeah. It’s always been that way.”

“Weird. That wouldn’t fly with my kids. No way they’re calling me by my first name.”

“I think it’s kind of funny.”

“Clay, are we going to the park soon?”

“Yeah, in just few minutes OK.”

“Dude, that’s trippy.”

For as long as I remember my daughter’s called me be my first name. Not dad, not daddy, just Clay. She tried calling my partner by her fist name but she quickly shut her down.

“Call me mom or mommy. Don’t call me by my first name.”

Curious, I asked he why it was so important to be called mom.

“There’s only one person in the world that can legitimately call me mommy and that’s our daughter. It’s special and I’m not going to give that up.”

Interesting point. I never thought about it like that but then again I was never one for ceremony, protocol or hierarchies.

Unless I was a character in a Dickens novel, it would be weird to  address her as “daughter” wouldn’t it?

“My beautiful daughter, have we collected enough bread to eat well tonight? Tis Christmas Eve lest you forget.”

“Yes papa, it will be a glorious Christmas as our bellies will be full of the sweetest breads in all of London!”

So for me, it seems normal for her to refer to me by my real name as well.

At least she doesn’t use my full Christian name which apparently is “God Dammit Clay”. As in “God Dammit Clay” it told you to put your shoes to the left side of the chair, or “God Dammit Clay” don’t run the microwave while I’m blow drying my hair or it trips the breaker, or “God Dammit Clay” don’t leave the stove on or you’ll burn down the house.

I know that I’m in the tiny minority on this one. Most parents would find it creepy to have their children address them by name. But I’m cool with it, and quite frankly the fact that it is so unusual is kind of kick for me. The first time someone hears my daughter call me by name they do a double take.

“Did she just call you Clay?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s always been that way”

“That is so weird.”

Yeah, it’s a bit weird, but a good weird in my book. It’s also a darn good conversation starter.

As for disrespect, using a first name is not disrespectful in itself. Tone, inflection, purpose and actions are how you determine respect. I can address someone as Dr, Mr, Miss or even Officer and it gives no indication on whether I respect them or not. In fact, by using a sarcastic tone, a child could be making a very disrespectful comment precisely by calling you mom or dad. Just as a teenager could show his displeasure with a police officer’s request by saying ” Yes, you are so right officer Mc Fadden”,  so can a child manipulate the words “mom” and “dad”.  Tone, context, and purpose is everything in language. If anyone confuses my daughter’s use of my first name with disrespect then they clearly aren’t paying any attention.

Right now my daughter is too young to know how unusual it is to call a biological parent by name. When she does, I’m curious what she’ll do. Will she switch to dad? Who knows. Will her friends follow her lead and just address me as Clay? I’m curious to find out.

Either way it’s fine with me as long as she doesn’t use my full Christian name.

That’s it for now.

Further Reading:

How about this funny article on using first names instead of titles.

File Under: Children Calling Parents by Their First Name – Daddy Versus Using Real Name – Child Using First Name to Refer to Mom or Dad