Death to Santa Claus – Don’t Lie, Kids Can Handle the Truth
Summary – Who says it’s all right to convince your kids Santa Claus is real? Childhood shouldn’t be a hazing ritual perpetuated by their own parents.
What if you knew a parent who told their child Star Wars was real. Like real as in a historical document. That Darth Vader patrolled the galaxy in a giant Death Star looking for rebels. People fought with real light sabers and The Force could absolutely be controlled by both the good and the dark side. To further trick the child the parent would periodically point to the sky and shout “I think I see the Death Star, I hope it doesn’t destroy our planet!”
When you confronted the parent on their manipulative behavior, they explained that they grew up thinking Star Wars was real and they want their children to grow up having the same experience. They reasoned that it makes the movies and the toys more fun if their children think it’s real. Plus using the threat of Darth Vader destroying the planet is a great tool for getting their kids to behave.
You would probably think that parent was cruel and deceitful at best, and bat-shit crazy at worst.
Yet, this is exactly what most parents do to their children every year. Except it’s not Star Wars, it’s Santa Claus.
“Oh, but Santa Claus is different!”
Really? OK, explain. Go ahead. Think hard.
Can’t really justify it can you?
The only reason parents think it’s OK to jerk their kid around by tricking them into thinking that Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny is real is because it’s a culturally accepted form of deceit. That’s it. Try that with any other fairy tale and you’ll get dirty looks and maybe even a visit from child protective services or a school counselor.
Teacher: “I’m a little worried about your daughter.”
Parent: “Really, how so?”
Teacher: “Well, she claims that the reason your house is made of bricks is because you had two other relatives killed by a wolf because they made their homes from straw and wood. She’s telling all the other children that they better make sure their homes are made of brick too or they might get eaten by a wolf. It’s a little disturbing.”
Parent: “Look, this is how I grew up. My parents taught me the Big Bad Wolf story was true and I want my child to grow up with the same tradition. It makes the Holidays more fun. Kids grow up so fast you know and there’s no need to push it any faster. Why crush their innocence? She’ll find out it’s not true soon enough, so just back off and don’t tell her any different!”
Sounds a bit nutty doesn’t it? Would you want your kid hanging out at the Big Bad Wolf house? How about the Stars Wars house?
My daughter has been told from day one that Santa Claus is just a fun story and that we bring the presents. Know what? She still loves Christmas! She loves decorating the tree and the windows. She loves touring the neighborhood for the best Christmas displays. She has all the Christmas specials on DVD and absolutely loves them. Yet, she knows Santa Claus is not real. Enjoying Christmas has nothing to do with thinking Santa is real. Just as I can enjoy watching the Terminator or Ghost Whisperer without believing in time travel or spirits, so can my daughter enjoy Christmas without believing in Santa.
So if the idea of a parent visiting their child at night in a DarthVader costume and in a deep breathy voice telling their child to be good or he will unleash the power of his Death Star on the planet is creepy, then the idea of taking your child to visit Santa, having them write letters addressed to the North Pole, putting out cookies and milk for Santa to eat, and telling them that if they aren’t good Santa won’t bring them any presents, should be as equally creepy.
You know how you tell your child that just because everyone else is doing something, it doesn’t mean you should or that it’s right?
Good advice isn’t it?
That’s it for now.
File Under: Santa Clause Lie – Tricking You Children Into Believing That Santa Claus is Real – Lying To Children About Santa Claus
March 8th, 2010 at 8:55 am
You can make the same argument about God.
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Straight Dope Dad Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 10:39 am
Yes, I know. I have a separate essay I’m working on about explaining death to children and how stories about the afterlife or euphemisms like “passed away” or “she’s in a better place” don’t help kids understand death. I figured taking on Santa Claus was going to controversial enough without mixing God in their as well. It was only after having a child and NOT tricking her into believing in Santa did I find out just how many parents have a problem with it. Many of them act is if I’m depriving my daughter. On the few occasions that my daughter has told her friends there is no Santa (hey,they brought it first) the room just went silent and then the other parents scramble to reinforce the lie. Who would have thought that stating the obvious would be so disruptive.
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Captain Rick Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
I commend your fortitude, I’m sure it’s not an easy undertaking. I do not at this time have custody of my children, and their mother uses the same device in a very negative, and in my opinion, very damaging way. Instead of the big bad wolf or Darth Vader, she uses the idea of the monsters in the dark to scare the children into behaving. So now they have a strong fear of the dark. I can only imagine the potential psychological damage it may create in their adult psyches.
Keep writing! Never let your opinion be suppressed!
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March 20th, 2010 at 4:51 am
I’m with you on this one. Christmas is not about Santa Claus and that’s just what our culture has let it become. I never thought about it before as tricking our children but I’ve got to say that you just hit the nail on the head! Well said!
Tina´s lastest blog ..The Little Tykes Wagon For Your Little Folks
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March 23rd, 2010 at 3:11 am
I just found your blog this morning and this is a very interesting post to start with. I am completely with you. Around the Christmas season, I saw a onesie that had a nice picture of Santa holding a present and reading “Santa isn’t real, but it’s OK because I can’t read.”
My wife and I were raised in very different faiths and backgrounds (she had faith, I didn’t) and we’ve had numerous conversations about what to do with our daughter in terms of what we should teach her.
My thoughts about religion in general fall pretty much in line with what you have here. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading your posts!
Justin´s lastest blog ..Post-Partum Parting
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Straight Dope Dad Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 5:22 am
Thanks for your comment. You’d think that Santa is secular but it’s not, at least not in practice. It’s still a faith based system and faith based systems trigger all sorts of deep feelings and conflicts because maintaining them is so fragile. Every bit of contradictory evidence must be squashed or countered lest it lead to questions and an unraveling of the concept. Sounds like a bunch of unnecessary stress to me.
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June 6th, 2010 at 2:22 pm
When my parents told me there was no Santa/Easter Bunny, etc… I remember it well. I was around 5 (I found out earlier than my school mates), and I was crushed, not because there was no Santa, but because I realized that my parents had lied to me. I thought of the extent of it, and all I could think of was how stupid they must of thought I was, falling for the cookie crumbs supposedly left by Santa, the bits of carrots left supposedly by the Easter Rabbit. I could not believe they would go to such lenghts to fool me. I was so little, but very smart for my age, and that was very traumatic. I wondered what else they lied to me about and if I could trust them. I never told them any of this of course, so they thought my tears were for Santa, so I guess I lied to them too in a way. I could never imagine thinking so little of a child that I would think it would be “funny” or just “fun” to tell them that lie or any lie for that matter. I think about this periodically, and just decided to see what I could find out about others views online. I am very glad I came across your site. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in realizing how absurd the Santa lie is.
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July 12th, 2010 at 11:33 am
A handful of my fondest childhood memories have something to do with my “encounters” with Santa and the Tooth Fairy. Unlike Laura, when I found out that these two were mere figments of the imagination, I did not feel anything negative at all towards my parents. In fact, it touched me that they went to all those extremes just to make my childhood seem quite magical. And later on in life, I decided that I would make my kids’ childhood memories just as delightful.
That is, until I came across this post.
You really have me thinking here …
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